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Laziness is not the absence of ability. It is the unwillingness to generate productive activity from the ability you possess. It is the lack of commitment to quality, and consistency.

Many people feel offended when they are called lazy; this is because they know they can do what they are reprimanded for, and sometimes they can do that thing very well.

Truth is, the only verification of ability is performance.

We will continue to be doubted until we deliver on the job. You must get on a personal crusade against idleness, shoddy work, tardiness, and slack dealing. Kill mediocrity. Learn to motivate yourself. Represent yourself properly by your high performance.

Be committed, and consistent.
It’s time to act.
You are more!

The same things that endeared you to your spouse before you got married can become your biggest source of concern if you’re not careful. It may be beauty, intelligence, excellent social skills, or even generosity.

The comfort, and security that draws its joys from the selfish control of the other person is unhealthy, unfair, and destructive. Bad as it is, you can’t always blame it all on the ‘controller’, the control victim is sometimes the architect of their own troubles.

I believe there is a discretion we must have, and a mode of operation, as married people that is different from the pre-marriage era. You can’t be married and be doing things like an available single who has nothing at stake. This sometimes is where trust starts to get wounded, and peace is compromised.

A married person needs a sense of restrain, maturity, accountability, and wisdom in their dealings.

And for those still searching, when the attractions in a person begin to take your breath away, be careful also to measure the character, balance, and self control of that person as well as yours, and of course deal with your insecurities if any.

You can’t marry someone to own and imprison them at the detriment of their own wellbeing.

And of course a married person needs to live up to the responsibilities and discretion befitting of that status.
Be all that you are, but maturity, wisdom, and caution must never be left out of the equation.

In this context, my definition of a ‘star’ is someone of highly conspicuous and desirable beauty – male or female, a person of great means, someone of high status, a popular and influential individual, a celebrity, a person highly sought after…

And so my friend, before you get on with the race to chase down a ‘gold fish’ to the altar of proclamations, I invite you to make a stop at ‘wisdom café’ to do some rumination on these:

i. Be sure he or she is an original. There are many fakes; nicely packaged emptiness. King Solomon likened them to clouds and wind without rain (Pr 25:14). Originals never place their packaging before their virtue. Apart from beauty, what else do they have?

ii. Be sure it’s not a trophy hunting expedition. Trophy hunters spend a fortune in the safaris, to shoot down rare animal species just for the purpose of displaying their heads or horns for admiration, show off, and applause. Unfortunately, this is one of the reasons why some people marry. What is your real intention for going after this person? Is it true and unalloyed love or it’s just another acquisition to smother your ego with a feeling that you outsmarted all the competitors?

iii. Make sure they have a healthy dose of character. True stars plan to last long, and good character is their preservative. Emotional instability will threaten the sanctity of your home.

iv. Make sure they are ready. Some people seek marriage for the status alone and have no interest in the attendant responsibilities. Are they focused, emotionally stable, family oriented, and balanced? Look before you leap.

v. Make sure you are ready. Do you have the capacity socially, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, and otherwise to handle all that comes with having a star in your life? Are you okay with that person being in the spot light and you, behind the curtain? Will you be comfortable with the traffic of attention that will be directed at them? Can you manage the ceaseless clamoring for their time? Be sincere to yourself.

vi. Ascertain what their family values are. It’s dangerous to seek marriage with someone whose business and social adventures are more important to them than their family’s well being. For marriage, it’s bad to score an A+ in social life and an F in family life. Every family needs a massive investment of time, love, and affection to grow, build, and make it work. Don’t marry someone who will eventually think marriage is a curse because their freedom to galivant is limited.

Vii. Make sure they have a healthy self esteem, or else they will need the worship of fans to survive. And you too, without a good dose of self esteem will drown in insecurity.

Viii. Make sure you have something valuable to offer. What are you bringing to the table? Do you have the wisdom to cultivate and help them improve, can you help them grow their personal value and resourcefulness, or are you just in awe of their status?

ix. Make sure your values are compatible. Nothing frustrates marriage like persistently divergent values and priorities, a sharp conflict of mentalities; a festering civil war of opinions and family goals.

x. Stop, pray, and think. Ask yourself what future you envisage, and what you truly want your home to be.
Money, beauty, and status can fail, but only virtue will last. Without virtue, admiration will turn to irritation. In the next few years no one will care or even remember whether you married the most handsome man or most beautiful girl, or the richest person. Everyone will be busy with their own lives and you with yours.

Don’t punch above your weight; you might die before your time.
If you must carry a ‘cross’, choose the right one.
Look before you leap!

If you criticize a man today for being careful, disciplined, and principled, remember that in a few years down the road, you will envy him for being successful.